I rewrote parts of the story yesterday and thought it was going well. Then I reread this morning, and it’s funny, but it’s forced. So I’m back to rewriting once again.
However, I got to walk into work today, which mean lots of thinking time, and I think figured out my problems with this particular opening. It’s partially the timing of the story in-universe, but also partly the real problem with ensemble casts. Who is the main character of this story. It’s not always obvious.
Anyway, I’m about to scrap another 2000 words and try again.